dear 1800-988-8019

i was never trying to be anyone 
I was just trying to be myself. 
I guess this is where people go to try to be someone. I was just trying to find myself. I wasn’t trying to be anyone. I just wanted to figure out the pieces of myself. sure I wasn’t always telling the truth, to myself or others. I had to do a few things im not proud of. but i wouldn’t undo what i did, mostly because I know I can’t. 

it was never a question in my life, if i would explore. it was mostly a question of where it would take me. 

Im glad I went. 

But here I am back at where I came from . I love this place. I can’t get away. I won’t. I dont want to. 

sometimes i think about the boy I once was. I imagine what he would’ve been like if he would’ve lived to see today. god he would’ve been good. 

im like a shitty place holder for someone who would’ve done a lot better with these breaths of life. 

Im the boy that should not have survived. the boy born of the wicked choices of another. 
Im the narcistic, selfish and worldly. I indulge in the vanity of self worthlessness. 

Im living on his time. Im beginning to understand the lyrics, look at what I’ve become.

and to my bill collectors who will never read this, FUCK YOU.

someday ill write songs about you