im trying so hard to confess my feelings...

I used to try to fall in love.

I gave up.

i mean... not really no one ever gives up looking for love. isnt that all we want? i dont care if thats true or not thats how i will look at people.


Im not supposed to say that but ... i do say that.

i used to even try to not say it in my head.

my emotions got overwhelmed when my family fell apart.

so now i am just letting go one by one of what i once held dear.

its all starts when you begin to part your hair onthe other side.

I used to not cuss.
i used to not peek at naked girls
i used to not indulge in negativity
i used to not drink
i used to not smoke
i used to not do drugs. I mean I dont do drugs.
I used to not say god
i used to be a virgin.
i used to be
i used to b
i used to
i used t
i used
i use
i us
i u

its all gone now. what have I not lost?

Im trying to free myself by tangling myself in chains of regret.


i dont like using the word perfect either. i should probably just say that i dont like living up to the expectations that my past raised me with. only because i put so much hope into and watched it all fall apart. i guess im scared to see that happen again. thats why im crazy. maybe i can get it out of my system.